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Time, First, Woman, happens

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by Dmitry Valberg

Question by Bwill: What happens when a woman has sex for the first time?

I've heard stories of gushing blood like a Kill Bill movie and I've heard the woman is so sore she can't walk at all the next three days.
I'm kinda wondering if blood is gonna get on my penis too

Best answer:

Answer by HerHuggyBunny
Those stories are bogus. (Yes, you might get blood on your penis. Is that a problem?)

If you're going to have sex with someone and you've never done it before... both of you really should read this - together - and talk together about every word of it all. Seriously. Sex is - more than anything - intimate human communication, and if you can't even *talk* about it with your first-partner-to-be, you're definitely not ready to *do* it. (Either of you can even email me if you've other questions: I'm almost always around, and this stuff is really *important*).

For some girls, first sex hurts a lot (your hymen itself has no nerve endings to *feel* pain with... discomfort is often from unfamiliar stretching of vaginal muscles and tissues - though *pain* is far more often from lack of enough lubrication)... for others, it hurts only a little or just feels *weird*... for still others, it doesn't hurt at all and feels fantaastic right from the first moment.

It's the same with hymenal bleeding... and there's no way to really know which it's going to be for you until it happens.

Even so, there's no reason at all (except lack of knowledge and preparation, or plain dumb luck) that it shouldn't feel good the very *first* time... even if it hurts a lot at first.

You're ready for sex as soon as you want to do it *and* are comfortable and happy with the following... and if you're not comfortable with *all* of it, you're probably not ready, no matter what age you are:

First... really be *sure* you wanna "do it" with the guy you've chosen.

You're a virgin, and your first full-on sex should be with someone you're really gonna want to *be* that intimate with for a while, and I don't just mean the physical intimacy of openly sharing your bodies and their reactions without shame... because there's a lot of mental and emotional stuff that comes with the hormones and hangups that fill the sexual territory between partners. You'll be MUCH better and happier for choosing such a person, even if that "while" only turns out to be a few weeks... trust me on this point, OK?

First-timing can be pretty disappointing for girls, not just because it's often painful (at least at first), but also because nervousness and awkwardness for both of you can make it very difficult for *you* to concentrate on your own pleasure. You don't have to worry too much about *his* pleasure: except for some possible emotional stuff, he's going to enjoy it a *lot* - even his first time. Young men are lucky that way, sure, but it's also a very rare man indeed (but not at all a rare woman) who can have several orgasms in less than half an hour. In the long run, almost all women will *always* come out ahead in that race if they really want to... *and* if they put their own needs first and actually try. :-)

Advice? Tips? Good things to plan for and think about?

Learn your body and its sexual reponses *first* (masturbating is your best teacher here)... long before you ever have sex with someone else besides yourself the first time. No kidding here: if you don't know how to have sexual pleasure and orgasms alone... it's time you learned. How is your man gonna have the first clue how how to get the work together with you if *you* don't even know what the job is and can't *teach* him?

Make sure you have lots of total privacy for quite a long time (three hours or more is a good idea) because not only might there be some uncomfortable, embarrassing or painful moments along the way, but there's more to the first time than just "doing it", and you'll have a lot of stuff to talk about afterwards - you do *not* want any of this to be interrupted.

When it comes to intercourse, tell your guy that *you* will be the one to say "stop" if anything's wrong (like pain, or even if you just chicken out) and that it's up to him to remember that when you tell him "stop".

If it should happen that your first time *will* be painful, bracing yourself against pain will only make it worse. RELAX... as he enters you, try pushing just a little bit as if you're trying to pee - this will relax your pelvic muscles and *greatly* diminish any discomfort or pain.

Don't even *try* unless you're very turned on and very slippery... a couple of orgasms first by masturbating/oral (*before* intercourse!) will also help your vagina to be more relaxed, stretchier and more insistent on having something inside - and if you don't get very wet no matter how horny you are, have some water-based lube (KY, Astroglide, Wet or similar) handy and *use* it - a tablespoon isn't too much and a half-teaspoon isn't nearly enough -and no matter what, go SLOW until you're comfortable. This isn't his time - it's yours.

That lube will also help prevent breakage of the condom. Yes, the condom. There's a name for people who rely on "pulling out" as a method of avoiding pregnancy: "parents"... or sometimes "parents with STDs". Also, condoms break (or otherwise fail) one time out of every 20... you ought to have a backup contraceptive method either in use at the time (pills, diaphragm, spermicides, etc) or available right away (Plan B).

Any pain you may feel will go away in a few minutes to a couple of days (sometimes there's a little bruising), and after it's over with, each time will be *much* better if you stick to everything above.

Oral sex is also fine any time at all for either person, at least if both of them are comfortable with it and enjoy it. Doing it until the person receiving has an orgasm is nicest, but that isn't necessary unless you both want it.

Source(s):
I'm a guy, and I'm almost 50 years old, but I would have benefited hugely from most of this advice myself the first time *I* had sex - at age 13. No regrets, but I know now that we both would have fared a lot better if we'd thought about these things even for a few days.

Since then, I've raised 4 kids who've grown up to be fairly responsible and (more important) sexually healthy adults. I'd *like* to think that their mothers and I were the ones who helped them to become that way.

What do you think? Answer below!

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Friday, July 1, 2011

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